Last Week Home :(

This is my last week home with Wesley before I go back to work full-time. I really didn't know how I would deal with it once the time came, but now that it's this close I'm really not o.k. I don't know if he's ready. Maybe I'm not ready. We just hit our 2 months home mark on the 4th, it just seems too soon. It doesn't help that Wesley's had a tough last two weeks. I know it sounds crazy, but it's as if he knows it's coming. It started out with him being very clinging then, the past few days nap time and bedtime (which have been going pretty smooth) have been really rough. It's like he's reverting back to how it was when we first arrived home. We've even seen some of the upsetting self-soothing/coping behaviors pop up which we haven't seen for some time. One thing that may have contributed to the difficulty with nap time/bed time is that we had back-to-back events Thursday and Friday. My brother got married and we had the rehearsal and wedding - both of which Wesley attended. It may have just been too much.

Back to daycare - I realize that being around other children will be good for him socially and developmentally, I'm just concerned about the attachment that we've all worked so hard on. I've been an avid reader of Patty Cogen's "Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child" as many of my adoptive mom friends and although I take a lot of the adoption/parenting books with a grain of salt, this particular one has been extremely helpful. In terms of daycare, Patty's recommendation is to limit it to 4 hours or less and to not do it until the child has been home for 2 or more years. Well Patty, that's just not realistic for some of us. So, enter the guilt. Will our attachment be affected? Will things change when he comes home to us at the end of the day? According to Patty, Wesley will get to daycare and most likely end up reverting back to his coping skills and thus will be unable to move forward. THIS is what keeps me awake at night.

We're going to the daycare facility tomorrow (Tuesday) for a test drive to see how Wesley interacts with the other kids and the teachers. I will be there with him the entire time. All I can think of is how tough the last few days have been (my mom got a taste of it today when she was over to help out - sorry Mom). Then, if all goes well (fingers crossed) I come back a day or two later and drop him off for a few hours to let him be there without me - YIKES! So, we'll see how it goes. . .

I know that all moms for the most part have anxiety when bringing their child to daycare for the first time. But you throw in the loss suffered, the grieving, etc. experienced by a child that has been adopted internationally and it's a whole new ballgame. I just can't get over the fact that I'm somehow adding to the stress he's already suffered in his short lifetime. :(